GrandFathers

Grandfathers Are Special

Let's face it. Grandfathers have always been overshadowed by grandmothers. They've traditionally been relegated to the back row of the chorus, while grandmothers took the starring roles. My grandmother taught me to darn socks and make turkey dressing. She served me tea when I stopped by after school and talked to me while I sat at the kitchen table. My grandfather, on the other hand, remained in his chair in the living room, silent and remote, unless he decided it was time for some ice cream. Then he tossed me a few dollar bills and sent me down the street to the store. I never had a conversation with him in my life.

Today that's changed, thank goodness. Grandfathers know they have an important role to play in their grandchildren's lives.

Stop, Love, and Listen

In a world where everyone is too busy, TV personality Willard Scott says the best thing grandfathers can give their grandchildren is time—time to love and be loved, time to share, and time to listen, really, really listen. Children like to be listened to, need to be listened to. Sadly, that doesn't happen as often as it should. Grandfathers can fill that void and learn a lot about their grandchildren at the same time. It's an opportunity to be wise, to be nurturing, to teach and be taught.

Touch: They Won't Break

Grandpa George says, "The best part of being a grandfather for me is when all the grandkids come in yelling 'Grandpa' and climb on my lap." Connecting with grandchildren begins with physical contact. Rock your grandbaby. Snuggle, pat, hold, and hug as much as you can - and they want. Some grandfathers may find this uncomfortable. If you didn't do it with your own children, you may not be sure about doing it with your grandchildren. Look at it as a second chance, and take it. You won't be sorry.

Share What You Know

The smallest pieces of wisdom often have the greatest impact. A friend remembers sitting on a swing with her grandfather when she was four or five. "You know I have a lot of money," he said. "Yes, I know," she answered. He opened his hand. In it was a penny. "Just remember, my little one. It all starts with the first penny." She still remembers what he said today.

Most grandfathers have had unique experiences in the work world. They are likely to have, or have had, very different jobs from those of grandmothers. Many of their jobs are active, visible, and easy for grandkids to relate to—fireman, policeman, construction worker, plumber, electrician. And no matter what the job, there are stories, obvious or not. A friend's grandfather was a painter for a hotel. Not very exciting at first glance, but his stories of fellow workers, hotel guests, and workplace accidents kept us glued to our seats as children.

Grandfathers have also had very different life experiences from those of grandmothers. They are more likely to have served in the armed forces, for instance. That alone is a living history lesson. And if you have pictures, medals, old letters or uniforms, share them with your grandchildren. You'll never have a more receptive audience.

Building on common interests is another way to deepen your relationship with your grandchildren. Sports interest grandsons and granddaughters alike. Tell them about your favorite sports, and learn about theirs. Go to their games and cheer them on. Take them to your games. You may wind up a soccer fan. They may turn out to love golf. What better fishing buddy than a grandchild? Hobbies or collections also can strengthen relationships. Love of cars, or baseball cards, or trains can provide grandfathers and grandchildren with a special bond.

It's a Two-Way Street

Grandchildren provide a personal connection to the future and the beginning of a family's next generation. They give grandfathers a sense of completion and continuity beyond themselves. In addition, as Grandpa Fritz, says, "There's more joy, less responsibility." That freedom from the pressures of parenting makes grandfathers more supportive, more patient, and more sympathetic when grandchildren confide in them.

As for grandfathers, they find they have a new and important role in the family as a whole. They benefit from the companionship of their grandchildren, the physical and mental stimulation that young people provide, and the opportunity to relive memories of their own children when they were young. "To top it off," as one new grandfather put it, "no one can possibly be as entertaining and fascinating as your grandchild. I smiled more in her first year than I had in the previous ten."

Grandfathers as Role Models

"In a time when strong role models are lacking, grandfathers are more important than ever before," according to Dr. Arthur Kornhaber. Grandfathers who cook, wash dishes, or do the laundry make a powerful statement about gender roles. Grandfathers who help their grandchildren build or fix something teach not only a skill but patience, problem solving, and perseverance. Grandfathers who do volunteer work, who take an active role in the community, and who offer help when it's needed demonstrate important social values. The best role models, however, are grandfathers who spend as much time as possible with their grandkids.